Lesson 9c when subject indicates he doesnt mind – sharing content of personal conversation

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Lesson #9c

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.



Loshon Horah when
the subject indicates that he doesn’t mind

  1. A friend of mine revealed to 3 of us a private business
    matter.  May I share this information with others?
  1. Yes you may.  By relating this matter to 3 people, your
    friend has indicated that he does not mind if this information becomes
    public.  However, you must be careful to adhere to all the conditions
    mentioned in lesson 6b (see appendix below) with the exception of one.  In
    this instance, you may intentionally spread the word; since
    this is information that can only harm your friend and he has already
    indicated that he doesn’t mind if it becomes public.
  1. What if the matter was of a personal nature?
  1. The same applies.  However, if the information can cause
    your friend embarrassment, for example, he revealed a sin that he
    committed; you may not intentionally spread the word.  For even though he
    doesn’t mind the embarrassment, it is forbidden for you to intentionally
    disparage a fellow Jew.


Sharing the
content of a personal conversation

  1. May I share the content of a conversation I had with an
    individual friend with someone else?
  1. It depends.  If it can cause your friend harm or
    embarrassment you may not; otherwise you may.
  1. But I remember learning in Meseches Yoma (pg.4b) that one
    should not share the content of a conversation without his friend’s explicit
    consent; even if it will cause him no harm.
  1. Good question!  There are 2 possible answers:
    1. If it will cause no harm, it is halachicly permitted. 
      The Gemora in Yoma is teaching us that even though it is halachicly
      permitted, it’s a good midda to refrain.
    2. The Gemora in Yoma is referring to a case were he called
      you aside.  As such, he is indicating that the conversation is of a
      private nature.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  Our sages teach us that most people will
transgress the sin of stealing, a few people will transgress sins of immorality,
and everyone will violate the sin of “the dust of loshon horah”.  From here we
see how great the matter of guarding our tongues truly is.

Menaseh:  How do we see it from here?

Oded:  It is human nature to want to stand out in
something that is considered important.

Menaseh:  For example?

Oded:  A rich person will make sure to have a
beautiful courtyard; a homeowner might want to have a home that stands out from
all the others and even a young lad likes to have nice clothing for Shabbos and
Yom Tov.  If this is true in this temporary world, imagine how much more this
will be felt in the eternal world.

Menaseh:  What do you mean?

Oded:  Our sages teach us that in the world to come
each tzadik will be granted his own personal living quarters for his pleasure
that will be in accordance with his honor.  If so, a person who was careful all
his life in matters of immorality, even though his reward will be great and he
will be granted a place to bask in pleasure for eternity, it still will not be

Menaseh:  Why?

Oded:  Because most Torah observant Jews will have
the same.  Similarly, if someone is careful all his life not to steal, he will
be granted a very nice place to enjoy but there will still be others who have
the same.

Menaseh:  So how can person set himself apart in the
world to come?

Oded:  We learned that everyone transgresses “the
dust of loshon horah”.  If a person is able to master guarding his tongue even from
the dust of loshon horah, he will merit a place for himself that is truly

Menaseh:  But how can one master that if our sages
say that everyone transgresses “the dust of loshon horah”?

Oded:  Our sages are referring to a person who isn’t
focused on guarding his tongue; however, someone who does focus on it will
certainly succeed.  Such people though are few and far in between.  Therefore,
if one does take care to avoid even “the dust of loshon horah”, he will truly
be unique.

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questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman clicking here.


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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 2 Par.
13 and Be’er Mayim Chaim 28

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 2 Be’er Mayim
Chaim 27


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Section 1 Chasimas HaSefer Chap. 1


Conditions for
sharing loshon horah heard in the presents of 3 or more people

Your intention must not be to spread the word

There is an opinion that you may only pass on the
loshon horah if it comes up casually in the course of conversation.

Only the 3 original listeners are permitted to
share the loshon horah, and not those who heard it second hand.

If any of the 3 listeners are G-d fearing
individuals who are careful not to speak loshon horah, this leniency is
rendered invalid.

It is permitted only in the city which the original
loshon horah was spoken in front of the 3 listeners.

If the original teller told the listeners not to
share what he told them, the leniency is invalid.

It is forbidden for the 3 listeners to embellish
the story.

If it’s negative information about a person’s past,
but now this person has changed for the better, it is forbidden to mention his
past, even if it was told in front of 3 people.

If you know that the listener is the type of person
who will accept what you tell him as fact and perhaps even embellish it, it is
forbidden to share the loshon horah with him, even if you heard it in front of
3 people.

2 people telling 2 people isn’t the same as one
person telling 3 and therefore does not qualify for this leniency.

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