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Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.
Telling a father
what was said about his son
- Am I allowed to tell a father what somebody said about his
son if I know that word won’t get back to the son?
- No you may not. Even if the son will not find out what
that individual said about him, the father will harbor resentment towards
the person who spoke derogatorily about his son. It is therefore a
violation of rechilus. The same would be true regarding telling other
relatives about their relatives, since generally people don’t like to hear
negative things about their relatives.
that can cause resentment
- My friend recently had a monetary dispute with someone.
After the matter was adjudicated in Beis Din, I told my friend that I
thought he got the raw end of the deal. I’m wondering if that’s
considered rechilus since I didn’t really tell him anything he didn’t
know, I just stated my opinion.
- Rechilus is defined as bringing hatred upon a fellow Jew.
By telling him that you feel that he wasn’t judged properly, you are
causing him to feel resentment towards the Beis Din. Since you are
causing resentment, even though you haven’t told him anything that he
didn’t already know, you are in violation of rechilus. Additionally,
consider the fact that you only heard one side of the story. Perhaps if
you would have heard the other side as well, your opinion would be
different. If you feel that you are familiar enough with all sides of the
issue and you still maintain your opinion, the proper approach would be to
go to the Beis Din and share with them your thoughts; but certainly not to
involve your friend, since by doing so you are only causing unnecessary
This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh. Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech. The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.
Oded: I heard a story about a big business man who
separated himself from worldly matters to learn Torah day and night. His
brothers and family members put intense pressure on him to return to his old
ways but he refused buckle. They eventually gave up on him.
Menaseh: How was he able to resist this tremendous
pressure that his family members exerted over him?
Oded: His acquaintances asked him precisely that
question and this was his response: “The Gemora states “The Torah cannot be
sustained except by one who kills himself over it.” What does that mean? It
means that a person must view himself as if he already finished all his
business and his life as well. He was brought up to the heavenly courts to
stand trial before the King of all kings. He emerged guilty of squandering his
time on matters of emptiness. He lets out a cry “woe is to me for all my bad
deeds”. If at that moment he would be granted a chance to come back to the
world and do teshuva, would he not jump at the opportunity and ignore his
business matters? If so, a person should view it as if he already deserved to
die for his sins. Hashem, in his kindness, has granted him an extension to do
teshuva. If after death a person would jump at the opportunity to come back
and repent, certainly if he’s given a chance in his lifetime to do so, he
should seize the opportunity.”
Menaseh: So what’s the bottom line?
Oded: The bottom line is that a person should do
teshuva for his sins and constantly learn Torah; or at least make a set time
for Torah learning and not heed those who try to dissuade him from this.
If you have any
questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman by
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1 Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 3 Par. 3
2 Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 4 Par. 1
Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar HaTorah Chap. 4