Lesson 71c Loshon horah told by parents

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Lesson #71c

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.


Loshon horah told
by parents


  1. If my parents tell me loshon horah, may I believe it?
  1. Absolutely not!  Not only may you not believe it, but you
    are also obligated to try and prevent them from speaking loshon horah. 
    You must rebuke them, but in a respectful and gentle manner.  By remaining
    silent you and your parents will be liable for severe punishment. 


  1. How does one rebuke his parents respectfully?
  1. Instead of saying “Father/Mother, you are committing a
    sin”, one should say “Father/Mother, it says in the Torah…” In other words,
    avoid mentioning their actions directly; instead, inform them of the
    prohibition and let them understand on their own what they did wrong.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  Yesterday, we were explaining the posuk in
Bamidbar that states: “On this, the Moshlim will say: come to Cheshbon it
should be built and established as the city of Sichon”

Menaseh:  That’s right.  You explained that the
Moshlim are those who rule over their yetzer horah.  They advice us to calculate
the loss of performing a mitzvah verses the benefit and the gain of doing an
avairah verses the loss.

Oded:  Correct.  Continuing along, the posuk states “it
should be built and established as the city of Sichon”
.  The Gemora in
Meseches Bava Basra explains that built means in this world and established
means in the world to come.

Menaseh:  Can you infuse some meaning into that?

Oded:  Sure!  Let me start by explaining why the
Torah chose to impart this lesson in a posuk that is primarily referring to a
battle between Sichon and Moav.  It seems a bit out of place.  There is a
Gemora in Meseches Chagiga that states: “A tzadik will take his portion and the
portion of his friend in Gan Eden; a rosha will take his portion and the
portion of his friend in Gehinom”.

Menaseh:  That doesn’t seem fair.  Why should an
individual receive what is not rightfully his?

Oded:  The Gemora is referring to 2 people dwelling
in the same city; a rosha and a tzadik.  The Rosha publicly ridicules the
tzadik’s Torah learning and service of Hashem on a consistent basis; degrading
him in the eyes of others.  The tzadik strengthens himself and bears the brunt
of the ridicule without entering into a quarrel with his detractor.  As result,
when they come to judgment, the rosha losses his merits, since he not only
didn’t want to serve Hashem himself but he also ridiculed those who did;
placing a general damper on the service of Hashem.  Who is the rightful
beneficiary of those merits which the rosha lost?  The tzadik, who had to bear
up under the ridicule and constantly strengthen himself not to abate in his
service of Hashem.

Menaseh:  And why does the rosha take the tzadik’s
portion in Gehinom?

Oded:  If as result of the ridicule the tzadik did
somewhat decrease his service of Hashem, the rightful address for the
punishment of those sins is the rosha, as he was the one who caused the tzadik
to decline in his service of Hashem.

Menaseh:  So how does this all tie back to the posuk
you were trying to explain?

Oded:  The city of Cheshbon originally belonged to
Moav.  The Moshlim said to Sichon and his army “Go to the city of Cheshbon and when you conquer it, it will be considered a city of Sichon.  Similarly, the
Moshlim (those who rule over their yetzer horah) will take possession of the
benefit that was destined for the reshaim in Gan Eden, since they ruled over
their yetzer horah and didn’t pay attention to the reshaim who ridiculed them
but rather continued serving Hashem.  That is what the Gemora means when it
says that built means in this world and established means in the world to come. 
They build in this world by continuing to serve Hashem even under ridicule.  They
will be established in the world to come where they will not only receive their
portion but also the benefit created by the reshaim, thereby being fully

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1 Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 8 Par. 14

2 Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 8 Be’er Mayim
Chaim 27


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Section 2 Chap. 8

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