Lesson 49

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Lesson #49

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.



Joining a group of
people who are already engaged in loshon horah

  1. May I join a group of friends who are speaking loshon
    horah if I commit myself not to believe what I hear?
  1. Absolutely not!  The 3 steps mentioned yesterday (see
    appendix below) only apply if you are caught in a group that is speaking
    loshon horah and you are unable to extract yourself.  However, to go and
    intentionally join a group that is already speaking loshon horah, or is
    certain to start speaking loshon horah, is absolutely forbidden; even if
    you adhere to the 3 steps mentioned below.  It is an even greater sin if
    you join them and desire to hear their words of loshon horah, even if you
    are certain that you will not believe them.  Rebbi Eliezer wrote in his
    will to his son Hurkonus “My son, do not sit together with a group of
    people who are engaged in loshon horah.  When their words reach the heavens,
    they will be inscribed in a book.  All those present (even those not
    actively participating) will be inscribed as a party of evil doers and
    slanderers.  Therefore, one must greatly distance himself from evil groups
    such as these.”


When must you get
up and leave

  1. If I’m sitting with a group of friends who initially were
    not speaking loshon horah but then started, must I get up and leave the
    group even if it’s difficult for me to do so, or may I rely on the 3 steps
    mentioned below?
  1. You must get up and leave (barring situations were there
    is a purpose in you listening, as mentioned in previous lessons).  You may
    only rely on the 3 step procedure if it’s impossible for you to leave.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  In a general sense, a person should accustom
himself to make sure that his traits are from the good ones and not the bad

Menaseh:  What do you mean by that?

Oded:  The traits of a good person are to help his
friend with all of his ability and to cover for his friends shortcomings the
same way he would cover up his own.  If you see that someone is angry at your
friend, you should try to diffuse his anger with answers and excuses on behalf
of your friend.  That is true wisdom and strength.

Menaseh:  And what is false wisdom and strength?

Oded:  People with bad traits cause harm to their
friends.  They are glad when their friend stumbles.  They reveal their friend’s
accidental mishaps as if they were purposeful and malicious.  They cause strife
between people and incite one on another.  They then glorify themselves over
having done all that bad with wisdom and strength.

Menaseh:  So that’s the false wisdom and strength
that you were referring to.

Oded:  Precisely!  Tomorrow I will share with you
what Dovid Hamelech told Doeg in regard to this.

If you have any
questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman by
hitting the reply button.


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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 6 Par.

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 6 Par. 6


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar Hatevunah Chap. 17



The 3 steps
necessary to avoid the biblical prohibition of loshon horah

1.      Firmly commit yourself not to believe the words of loshon horah that
are being spoken.

2.      You mustn’t feel any desire to listen to the loshon horah.

3.      Don’t show in anyway that you approve of what is being said.  If you
are able to show disdain for the deleterious words that are being spoken, that
would be ideal.

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