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Lesson #34

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Speaking loshon
horah about someone who disgraced you

Halachah

#1

1. I was at a party last week and a “friend” of mine
   humiliated me in public.  Am I permitted to relate what happened to
   others?

1. If you mention her name or if it can be figured out about whom
   you’re referring to, you may not tell others.  As mentioned in yesterday’s
   lesson, one may only speak loshon horah if there is a legitimate benefit
   that will come out of that speech.  When it’s someone else who was embarrassed
   or harmed, you may tell others if your intention is to distance them from
   such disgraceful behavior.  However, if you are the victim, your
   intentions will certainly not be completely altruistic, but rather, to
   disparage the one who caused you harm.

#2

1. What if I suspect that she will continue to humiliate me? 
   May I tell others to prevent this from reoccurring?

1. Yes.  If your intention is to prevent a reoccurrence, you
   may tell those whom you feel can influence her to desist from her
   disgraceful behavior.

1. I also feel that if I speak it out with others, it will
   calm me down.  Is this a legitimate reason to speak loshon horah?

1. The Chofetz Chaim says that speaking to calm your nerves
   might be considered a legitimate purpose, since your intention is not to
   disparage the person but rather for therapeutic purposes.

Aggadah

This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  We mentioned 7 possible causes that can lead a
person to freely speak loshon horah.  They were:

·       
Anger

·       
Frivolity

·       
Arrogance

·       
Hopelessness

·       
Abandonment

·       
Complaining nature

·       
Rationalization

Menaseh:  We were discussing cause #4, hopelessness. 
You were going to explain how it’s possible to completely refrain from speaking
loshon horah when the Gemora states that everyone speaks loshon horah.

Oded:  Let me share with you an interesting Medrash.

Menaseh:  Sure!

Oded:  The Medrash says that Hashem, who is righteous
and straight, created man in his image to be righteous and straight.

Menaseh:  So why then, did Hashem create a person
with a yetzer horah (evil inclination)?

Oded:  To give man the opportunity to make it good.

Menaseh:  If Hashem put a yetzer horah in a person
and called it bad, how can we make it good?

Oded:  The yetzer horah is not in essence bad, we
make it bad.

Menaseh:  How is that?

Oded:  When we were infants we didn’t sin, when we grew
up we began sinning.

Menaseh:  What does that show?

Oded:  Hashem gave us the ability to rule over our
yetzer horah.  The yetzer horah can be our servant and we can use it for good. 
When we choose to allow the yetzer horah to rule over us, that’s when it
becomes bad.

Menaseh:  I think I understand your point.  Perhaps
you can elaborate a bit more, tomorrow.

Oded:  Sure.

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Sources

Halachah

1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 10
Par. 11

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap.  Par. 13 &
footnote in 14

Agaddah

Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar Hatevunah Chap. 15