Lesson 29c To benefit a relative – If you are guilty of the same sin

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Lesson #29c

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.


Loshon horah to
benefit a relative


  1. My brother came home yesterday and told me that he was
    beaten up by another boy.  May I publicize this if I feel it can help the
  1. People mistakenly think that if a relative is harmed, they
    may do whatever it takes to stand up for there relative.  In fact, there
    is no difference between a relative and a non-relative.  You may not speak
    against the person who harmed him, unless, all 7 conditions are met.  (See
    appendix below)

Condition #5 – The
right reason – When you are guilty of the same sin


  1. I have a friend whom I’ve seen stealing tomato paste from
    the local convenience store.  I feel that if I tell people, I can get him
    to stop.  The problem is I myself occasionally pilfer; I therefore feel
    uncomfortable telling others about him.  What should I do?
  1. Well, obviously you need to stop pilfering.  However, as
    things stand now, you may not publicize your friend’s thievery.  Even if
    all the necessary conditions are met, it is not possible that your
    intentions are for the right reasons, as spelled out in lesson 28 (see
    appendix below), since you yourself are infected with this sin.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  Listen to how the Zohar describes the effect
that chesed has on the world.

Menaseh:  I’m listening!

Oded:  Actions that are done here on earth cause similar
actions to be performed above.  If a person does a proper action here on earth
a corresponding action will be aroused in the heavens above.  If a person does
an act of chesed, the midda of chesed is awakened above and settles upon that
day.   It crowns the day on account of that person.  If a person acts with
mercy below, the midda of mercy will be aroused for that day and crowns that
day because of that person.  That day then becomes his guardian for a time when
he might need it.

Menaseh:  That is a very powerful thought!  Our
actions have such a major impact on the world!

Oded:  Precisely!  When we do chesed, we cause Hashem
to do chesed with the world.  Additionally, chesed is one of the 3 pillars of
the world.

Menaseh:  What are the other 2?

Oded:  Torah and the service of Hashem through
korbonos or Prayer.  As a matter of fact chesed is also equated with korbonos.

Menaseh:  Where do we find that?

Oded:  A posuk in Hoshaiya states: “Because chesed I
desire and not sacrifices”.  The world was actually built with chesed.

Menaseh:  And what’s that based on?

Oded:  A posuk in Tehilim which states:  “Because I
said the world will be created with chesed.”  As you can see, it is a very
powerful midda.

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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 10
Par. 3

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 10 Par. 4


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Section 1 Chasimas HaSefer Chap. 6


7 Conditions

1.      You either saw it yourself or heard about it and subsequently verified
its veracity.

2.      You must not rush to judgment, but rather weigh carefully whether what
he did is indeed halachicly a sin.

3.      Before you go public, you must first attempt to gently rebuke him.

4.      You must be careful not to exaggerate the transgression.

5.      You intentions must be for the right reasons and not out of hatred for
the individual or for personal gain.

6.      If you can bring about the same benefit some other way with out
publicizing this fellow’s transgression, then you may not go public.

7.      Publicizing his transgression mustn’t cause him more damage than would
be due to him in Beis Din.

Intentions (condition #5)

1.      To help the one who was harmed. 

2.      To publicize and degrade the bad deed for one of the following reasons:

Others will avoid such deeds.

Perhaps the one who harmed his friend will see that
people are degrading his actions and as a result, repent.

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