Lesson 29

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Lesson #29

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.


Loshon horah to
benefit a relative


  1. My brother came home yesterday and told me that he was
    beaten up by another boy.  May I publicize this if I feel it can help the
  1. People mistakenly think that if a relative is harmed, they
    may do whatever it takes to stand up for there relative.  In fact, there
    is no difference between a relative and a non-relative.  You may not speak
    against the person who harmed him, unless, all 7 conditions are met.  (See
    appendix below)

Condition #5 – The
right reason – When you are guilty of the same sin


  1. I have a friend whom I’ve seen stealing tomato paste from
    the local convenience store.  I feel that if I tell people I can get him
    to stop.  The problem is, I myself occasionally pilfer from the store; I
    therefore feel uncomfortable telling others about him.  What should I do?
  1. Well, obviously you need to stop pilfering.  However, as
    things stand now, you may not publicize your friend’s thievery.  Even if
    all the necessary conditions are met, it is not possible that your
    intentions are for the right reasons, as spelled out in yesterdays lesson
    (see appendix below), since you yourself are infected with this sin.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  We mentioned 7 possible causes that can lead a
person to freely speak loshon horah.  They were:






Complaining nature


Menaseh:  We were discussing the negative trait of

Oded:  The Gemora in Meseches Sotah tells us that
about one who is haughty Hashem says: he and I cannot dwell together in the

Menaseh:  I guess it’s self understood who has to go.

Oded:  Additionally, the Gemora tells us that Rebbi
Elazar said: one who is haughty will not be resurrected.

Menaseh:  Why is that?

Oded:  Instead of constantly reflecting on the fact
that he is destined to go to a place of dust and worms and therefore not be
haughty, he chose to envision himself as higher and mightier than his peers. 
As a result, when his body turns to dust, it will not have the power to
resurrect.  Those who are resurrected will stand on their feet.  He, will
remain dust beneath the feet of those whom he raised himself above, during his

Menaseh:  So if I understood you correctly, Hashem is
turning the table on him, so to speak.  Whereas he elevated himself above
others, he will now be trampled beneath the feet of those same people.

Oded:  Precisely!

If you have any
questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman by
hitting the reply button.


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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 10
Par. 3

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 10 Par. 4


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar Hatevunah Chap. 14


7 Conditions

    1. You either saw it yourself or heard about it and
      subsequently verified its veracity.
    2. You must not rush to judgment, but rather weigh carefully
      whether what he did is indeed halachicly a sin.
    3. Before you go public, you must first attempt to gently
      rebuke him.
    4. You must be careful not to exaggerate the transgression.
    5. You intentions must be for the right reasons and not out
      of hatred for the individual or for personal gain.
    6. If you can bring about the same benefit some other way
      with out publicizing this fellow’s transgression, then you may not go
    7. Publicizing his transgression mustn’t cause him more
      damage than would be due to him in Beis Din.

Intentions (condition #5)

1.      To help the one who was harmed. 

2.      To publicize and degrade the bad deed for one of the following reasons:

Others will avoid such deeds.

Perhaps the one who harmed his friend will see that
people are degrading his actions and as a result, repent.

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