Lesson 21c To distance ones children from someone with a bad midda

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Lesson #21c

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have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.


Distancing ones
children from someone with a bad midda


  1. I have an acquaintance who is afflicted with the midda of
    Gaava (arrogance).  Is it permissible for me to inform my children of this
    and advise them to stay away from him, so as not to learn from his ways?
  1. It’s a mitzvah for you to do so.  If your intention is not
    to disparage your acquaintance, but rather to prevent your children from
    being influenced by this person, it is not considered loshon horah. 
    However, it is important that you explain to your children why you are
    saying something that appears to be loshon horah so that they won’t learn
    from this that it is permitted to speak loshon horah.


  1. What if my knowledge is not first hand, but rather I heard
    from someone that this fellow is an arrogant and pompous individual?  May
    I warn my children, or students, to keep away from him so as not to learn
    from his poor character traits?
  1. Although you are not allowed to believe loshon horah you
    may suspect that it is true.  As such, you may warn your children or
    students to keep their distance.  However, you should say “I’ve heard
    people say that so and so is… therefore, it’s very important that you keep
    your distance from him.”  This way, you are not giving the false
    impression that you know the information first hand; yet, you’re
    effectively getting the point across.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  We should always follow in the footsteps of
our forefathers.

Menaseh:  How so?

Oded:  When our forefathers were in Egypt they all gathered together and dwelled together.  Because they were united as one,
they made a pact with each other to do kindness to one another, to adhere to
the Bris of their forefathers, to only serve Hashem and to retain their
language and not learn Egyptian so as to avoid the ways of idol worship.

Menaseh:  How did they manage to stick to it under
the dire conditions in which they lived?

Oded:  When they stayed loyal to Hashem and didn’t
change their language the Egyptians would ask them: “Why not serve the G-ds of Egypt?  Perhaps, as a result, your hardships will be diminished.  The Jews would respond:
“Did our forefathers Avraham Yitzchok and Yaakov forsake Hashem that we their
descendants should consider doing so?”  To which the Egyptians would reply:

Menaseh:  And how were they able to keep the mitzvah
of Bris Mila?

Oded:  Similarly, the Egyptians would say to them: “If
you neglect the mitzvah of Bris perhaps your burden will be lightened!  To
which Bnei Yisroel would respond: “Did our fathers forsake the Bris of Hashem
that their children who follow, should?  The Egyptians would agree that their
fathers did not forsake the bris.  Bnei Yisroel would then adamantly declare:
“Just as our fathers didn’t neglect it, so too, we will never neglect it!

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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 4 Par.

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 1 Chap. 4 Be’er Mayim
Chaim 43


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Section 1 Chasimas HaSefer Chap. 4

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