Lesson 119

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Lesson #119

Please verbalize or
have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
single and/or Jewish singles throughout the world.


Responding to
inquiries about Torah scholarship regarding a prospective shidduch


  1. A friend asked me about a certain fellow whom he’s
    considering as a shiduch for his daughter.  He wants to know about the
    fellow’s level of Torah scholarship.  Honestly, it’s not that great.  May
    I tell him so?
  1. You must be very careful what you say regarding such
    matters.  On the one hand, you may not give him advice that is not in his
    best interest.  On the other hand, such matters can be quite subjective.
    Additionally, who’s to say that his level of Torah knowledge is not
    suitable for the girl in question?  It is advisable to consult with a
    competent halachic authority before responding to such an inquiry.


  1. If both sides agree to have the boy tested for his level
    of Torah knowledge, is the arbitrator permitted to give his honest opinion
    on the matter?
  1. Yes; since both sides agreed to this course of action.
    However, the arbitrator must carefully examine what is considered
    sufficient Torah scholarship for this particular shiduch.  Additionally,
    he must be cautious not to exaggerate any shortcoming that he may find;
    otherwise, he is serious danger of violating the biblical prohibition of
    speaking loshon horah.


This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  There is a posuk in Shir Hashirim that states
the following: “Tell me, you who my soul loves, how will you shepherd (your
flock)?  How will you lay them to rest at noon?”

Menaseh:  That sounds very cryptic; what does it

Oded:  Rashi explains that this is the Nation of
Israel talking to Hashem.  The nation of Israel asks Hashem, how will you
shepherd your sheep, i.e. the Jewish Nation and lay them to rest in the exile.
The exile is compared to noon, a difficult time for the sheep.

Menaseh:  How does Hashem respond?

Oded:  The following posuk states: “If you don’t know
(how to shepherd your flock) the most beautiful of woman, follow in the
footsteps of the sheep and graze your young kids amongst the dwellings of the
other shepherds.”

Menaseh:  Another very cryptic posuk, can you explain

Oded:  Sure!  Rashi explains that this is Hashem
responding to the nation of Israel.  If you don’t know, the most beautiful of
all nations, how to shepherd your sheep in the exile amongst the nations who seek
to torment you and devour your flock, ponder the ways of your forefathers who
accepted my Torah and adhered to my mitzvos, and follow in their footsteps.  In
the merit of doing so, you will be successful in safely shepherding your flock
amongst the other nations while you are in exile.

Menaseh:  I must say that is a beautiful
interpretation!  I have a question though which I will raise with you tomorrow.

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questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman by
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1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 9
illustrations Par. 3, Be’er Mayim Chaim 1

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 9 illustrations Par.
6 Be’er Mayim Chaim 10


Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar HaTorah Chap. 8

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