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Lesson #117

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have in mind that you are studying this material as a merit for a specific
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Halachah

Shiduch issues

#1

Parent’s lack of
mitzvah observance

1. My friend is interested in a girl who seems to be quite
   fine, however, her parents are lacking in their mitzvah observance.  May I
   inform him of this?

1. It is forbidden to disparage someone based on the actions
   of his/her parents or ancestors.  Therefore, regarding shiduchim as well,
   as long as the person in question is good and is unaffected by the actions
   of his/her ancestors, there is no reason to mention their deeds.

(Note: There are certain family
history issues that would be considered significant blemishes on the family and
might even warrant the breaking of a shiduch.  Therefore, in such situations a
competent halachic authority should be consulted.)

#2

Internal health
issues

1. My friend is going out with a boy who has a significant
   health issue that my friend doesn’t know about as it’s an internal
   condition and she was not informed of it.  May I inform her?

1. You should definitely inform her, but you must adhere to
   the following conditions:
1. You must be certain that it is indeed an illness and not
   merely a physical weakness.
2. You must be careful not to exaggerate the nature of the
   illness.
3. You intentions must be for the benefit of the person whom
   you are informing and not out of hatred for the person whom you are
   speaking about.
4. You must ascertain that a benefit will come out of it. 
   However, if you estimate that they will go through with the shiduch
   regardless of what you told them, then you should not tell them.

Note:  The Sefer, “A Lesson a Day”
suggests that when possible one should try and get the party that is concealing
the information, to come forth with it on their own.

Aggadah

This section is
formatted as a conversation between Oded and Menaseh.   Oded is encouraging his
friend Menaseh to be more careful in guarding his tongue from evil speech.  The
thoughts in this section are primarily based on the sefer, Shmiras Haloshon.

Oded:  People think that they are being merciful with
their sons by cutting short their learning career so that they can involve
themselves in worldly matters.  However, in reality they are being cruel to
them.

Menaseh:  Why is that?

Oded:  The Sifrei states regarding the posuk: “And
you shall teach your sons to speak about them (The words of Torah)…”  From here
our sages derive that when an infant begins to speak his father should speak to
him in Loshon Hakodesh and teach him Torah.  If he doesn’t it’s as if he buried
him.

Menaseh:  Those are strong words!  Where does the
Sifrei derive that from?

Oded:  Juxtaposed to the above mentioned posuk is
another posuk that states: “So that your days will be long and the days of your
children…”  The Sifrei derives from this that if one teaches his sons Torah he
will have long days.  The opposite is true if he doesn’t.

Menaseh:  Are you saying that one will have short
days if he doesn’t teach his sons Torah?

Oded:  The Gemora in Meseches Shabbos states that as
a result of not studying Torah a person’s sons will perish.  Therefore, one
should see to it that he supports his sons Torah study so that he and his sons
will merit long life.  Hashem, who sustains all mankind, will certainly not
diminish what the righteous are destined to receive.

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questions regarding these lessons, feel free to contact Rabbi Faivel Adelman by
hitting the reply button.

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Sources

Halachah

1) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 9 illustrations
Par. 5 Be’er Mayim Chaim 6

2) Sefer Chofetz Chaim Sec. 2 Chap. 9 illustrations Par.
6 Be’er Mayim Chaim 8

Agaddah

Sefer Shmiras Haloshon Sha’ar HaTorah Chap. 7